Lust & Addiction.

A note about my experience with sex and sex addiction. It’s a very complicated subject. I think people in our society – by and large – resist most all introductions to “new” manifestations of addiction – sexual or otherwise. I understand this. It appears, at first, behaviors positioned under the umbrella of addiction, are at best unusual explanations and, at worst excuses for avoiding responsibility, etc.  Perhaps they are, perhaps not. I suppose, ultimately, it’s a matter of opinion. In all it may be a vie for compassion, attention, love, acceptance. Who knows? However having lived in the throes of distraction, compulsion, and emptiness made manifest through sex, pornography, romantic intrigue, fantasy, masturbation, and arguably alcohol and video games at earlier times in my life, I can tell you that it is – at least in some sense – real. Real in the sense that it is observable, repetitive behavior which seems at times to have a will its own.

I’ll probably write about it a lot more on this blog as time goes on. I just wanted to acknowledge it as a topic of discussion. I don’t see addictive behaviors as being the root causes of woe in my life, more of an aftereffect, side-effect… effect. However that does not change the fact that it impacts my life in ways most people would call unhealthy. And while I’m not in the business of kowtowing to other people’s assessments of what is and is not right/wrong – healthy or otherwise – for my life, I’m not exactly pleased with the footprint all things sex and romance has had in the course of my life.

You know, it’s almost embarrassing to write about this in public. However, given the choice of going and sitting in some dully florescent-lit auxiliary room of some church or the meeting room of a hospital/addiction clinic with a bunch of strangers feeling ashamed and well – ridiculous – I’d rather just talk about it on my blog for anyone who’s interested. The whole damn world for that matter. I believe most of my close friends and family accept of my “flaws” (even as I struggle with theirs). They are aware of my personal quirks in this (and other) domains in my life, which – in their support – makes tackling this topic a little easier. So thank you. Besides, it’s my preference to live my life with as high a threshold of transparency as we all – you and I – can bare. Shame and shadows: may they find no home here.