Brutal Honesty.

Tonight I got an email from a follower who appreciated me for what they called my “brutal honesty.” Allow me to refer readers to an earlier blog post: “Being Dishonest With My Self.”

This follower is not the first person to comment on my knack for “brutal honesty.” This trait remains a hallmark of my personality for as long as I can remember. People have consistently commented on my propensity for it. For instance, last week a friend of mine, appreciated me as someone who “Tells it like it is.” I remember being this way in college in particular. I think I’ve become quite prone to mollycoddle people since then.

I do not believe I am being honest with myself, in general. I think I live in a fantasy world. It ends up leading me to act out all sorts of interesting, dramatic, and sometimes unsavory scenes from the dark side of my mind. One of my prime directives was/is to make this fantasy world as comfortable as possible. I’m not sure the products of this fantasy world fit under the auspice of “honesty,” for better or worse. So again, it raises the question of just what is meant by honesty? How can I be being brutally honest with you and dishonest with myself at the same time?

Perhaps what the commenter meant in spirit is they appreciate my being brutally forthcoming. One can be forthcoming without being authentic, at least, that is my sense at this time. And both being forthcoming and authentic have some close relation with honesty. More exploration is needed into the matter.

The only reason I split hairs about this is because I’ve allowed myself in my being brutally forthcoming to believe that I was a person who told the truth more frequently than other people. I’ve begun to discern for myself that this is not the case, as much as I may wish it to be.

Hypocrisy.

I’d also like to state for the record that my concern by and large is that people think this charming personality trait of mine being discussed here to be just that – charming – until it gets turned on them. This concern – perceived or real – has my stomach turn when I think about people in general. Disgusting. Maybe this is just the case with other childish people who are insolent and do not like to hear that which they do not want to hear. It remains a mystery to me. But then again, one of the main exercises of this whole endeavor on this fancy website of mine is to be with and uncover mystery.